Is universality a dead-end?

Not long ago, I heard something on the radio that got me thinking. The program was about how there is a danger in driving a car the way everyone of my generation was taught, with the “ten over two” grip.

The "ten over two grip" was said to be especially dangerous if you wear a wristwatch. The warning is based on the fact that most new cars have airbags. If you crash and the airbag deploys, your hands will gain such momentum that you will knock yourself out. And if you wear a wristwatch, you risk knocking out your front teeth. Important information that affects old knowledge (which used to be the best).

This got me thinking about what old knowledge we need to update about Nonviolent Communication, because of things that have changed since Marshall Rosenberg created the NVC approach

One of the things I've done some research on is how emotions actually happen. When I studied NVC with Marshall Rosenberg in the late 1900s and early 2000s, the most common view of emotions was that they were universal. Paul Ekman and other researchers presented evidence that all people around the world were born with a certain set of emotions. Various researchers claimed that we had anywhere from 5 - 9 basic emotions.

Later research on the human brain suggests that this is an overly simplistic way of explaining emotions. But if this is so, why did the classical view that all humans are born with a basic set of emotions gain so much ground? Let's consider one answer. World War II atrocities could happen partly because of racism. In Sweden, there was even a racial biology center that collected biological, physical evidence that some human races were superior to others. This resulted in horrific abuses of the Sami and Tornedalian populations in Sweden.

In the concentration camps in Europe, people were sorted out, tortured and killed. With the horrors of these camps, it is no wonder that all the research claiming universality, for example that everyone is born with a certain set of emotions was highlighted. Anything that showed our similarities, and therefore hopefully would lead to respect for each other was welcomed and laid the basis for interpersonal respect.

I am aware that the above summary is a gross oversimplification of complicated events before, during and after the Second World War. Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of NVC, like everyone else, was shaped by his time. NVC was created during a time period where emotions in both psychology and sociology were often talked about as universal. All other claims risked being disregarded and even rasist.

At the same time I believe it is time to dare to look more closely at the ways in which we are similar, at the risk of finding differences. Those differences will not be found in preposterous attempts to categorize people into races, or divide us into hierarchies where some are born better than others. But they might be found in how emotions are made. Emotions are experienced and transformed differently depending on an individual's upbringing, culture, biology and psychology. At the same time, we can communicate about them and connect.

I have come to believe in brain research that show that we are not born with a common set of emotions, but with the ability to create emotions and to categorize them so that others can recognize themselves in us and we in them. (Like most others I would love to claim that my emotions ARE triggered as this is what it feels like, especially on a bad day.)

I believe that what truly unites us on an emotional level is the ability to create emotions and sort them into categories using language. And that this ability is worth nurturing.

When it comes to NVC, I hope there is space to have different beliefs or different understanding of things. Some might hold on to the belief that we are all born with a certain set of emotions while others believe that emotions are constructions to help us predict how to act in order to serve life. What I find most important is how we use our understanding and even different ideas of how humans work in connection with others. Can I be curious about what you see and be ready to give up some of what I used to believe, or do I want to hold on to my way while still listen to yours?

If you want to read more about how emotions are made and how our understanding of them affect NVC and our inner development, check out my book "Unmasking Shame",....

Or join me in my training in Berlin January 2025